On the heels of our American Thanksgiving Day, the day we celebrate what we are most grateful for – friends, family, abundance of all things that sustain and nourish us – to this I add one more thing. I am most thankful for my very own commitment to myself, the voice of my deepest Self that I understand, now more than ever, to be the only guide I could ever need in this life. Continue reading
Recall that Haylie came down with spinal meningitis at just twelve days old and was rushed away to Riley Children’s Hospital in the middle of the night to try and save her life. The ambulance driver had distinctly told my stepdad not to try to keep up with him. He advised John to follow the speed limit, and Continue reading
Today, I sit here at my computer as rain soaks the whole grey world outside, watching Facebook for likes to my most recent blog post and watching the numbers on my WordPress stats rise. Wow, I’ve just been read in Ireland. And Romania. Technology is amazing. I have time for social media stalking on this soggy morning because the young woman who I usually study geometry with at this time of day, my daughter Haylie, is sound asleep on the couch with our beloved four-legged furry on guard next to her.
She is sleeping off a seizure hangover. Continue reading
As that ambulance raced away into the night with my tiny, sick, unconscious daughter in it, the daughter that had still been inside me just twelve days before, I was as present as I have ever been in my entire life. I felt the emptiness of my warm hands that had passed my baby on to complete and utter strangers in the dark of a humid August night. I felt the concrete firmness of Continue reading
So again, all day Thursday, I sat next to that incubator with my hands in the space portals to stroke her head full of black hair and pat her diapered bottom, watching my daughter sleep. She was sleeping now. The Phenobarbital had knocked her out and was apparently doing its job of stopping the seizures. I watched her tiny Continue reading
As the day went by, Haylie was obviously more and more distressed. She was whimpering and, as evening came on, she began to shiver. Little shivers that grew more intense. This was totally disconcerting, especially because there was nothing I could do but to report it to the nurse, who was not as concerned about it as I was. The incubator was temperature controlled and she assured me that everything was ok. Then why is my baby shivering? Continue reading
Two nights later, we had a very bad night, the worst one yet. I was getting used to waking every three hours to feed Haylie and change her diaper, but I was new at this and sometimes it was a little rough. Tuesday night, though, was terrible. Haylie was crying more than usual and louder than usual. It wasn’t quite the “I’m hungry” cry, and it wasn’t quite Continue reading